I keep falling into the same template of thought no matter how I try to think otherwise. The conclusion that everything is ultimately trivial keeps asserting itself to me.
Oh, Christ, I know this is just an excuse to ignore reality. Magic thinking that is devoid of magic.
I think I'm missing something.
I spent this afternoon watching Notorious (1945), and the thought occurred to me that I could end up like Bergman's character, prey for vampire men because I have not established my own emotional independence.
I spend a lot of time watching movies.
I'm afraid that this is irrational:
WHEN I HEARD THE LEARN'D ASTRONOMER
by: Walt Whitman (1819-1892)
HEN I heard the learn'd astronomer, - When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
- When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide, and measure them,
- When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with much applause in the lecture-room,
- How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
- Till rising and gliding out I wander'd off by myself,
- In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
- Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.
Here's a story:
There are two dogs walking in the street. The pekingese turns to the hound and says, "You see that manhole there, that's a misnomer because it's not really a hole and it's not really for men, that's a storage room where they keep all the excess pets." The hound looks at the pekingese and retorts, "Why should I care, I'm comfortably cared for." At that answer the pekingese is quiet. He wonders why his fellow dog is not unsettled by this circumstance, even if it is his own creation. "You don't care that there are starving pets in sewage system?" To this the hound has a simple explanation, "I can't see them, hear them, or even smell their squalor. They aren't real to me." Needless to say, the pekingese resolves to find a new walking buddy.
If you're out there; send me a poem or a movie quote or a song.
Thanks,
Valerie
